Motherhood something I am grateful for

ID-10086892

Since I was early twenties I was dreaming of being a mother. I adored children and I found them a real blessing from Allah. Taking a child in my arms was the most pleasurable thing I could do. But I could never imagine or feel how precious a child is for his mother until I became a mother myself.

I had my first child at the age of thirty and the second six years later. I was pregnant once between my boys but I lost it. I couldn’t express my happiness when I knew about my pregnancy that time. I was madly happy even more than I was with my first baby but this happiness didn’t last long and I lost it. It took me more than three other years to get pregnant again with my second child who is now nine years old. I am madly in love with my children they are the source of my happiness, I smile just when I see them or remember them when I am on my own. They are my treasure, my fortune and my reason for living. Being grateful and thankful for Allah for offering me these two precious creatures is the least I can do.

Why I tell you that because there are millions of mothers like me all over the world who are fighting to protect their children and to keep them healthy. Let’s support them with Shot@life with a small amount of money to save their children’s lives. These children may be the only source of happiness to these women living in very poor countries. Nobody else than mothers can feel the pain they may experience when they are unable to provide the necessary vaccines for their beloved children. Let’s support them and tell them they have sisters all over the world who care for them and their children.

Link up, comment and share with Sisters From Another Mister and 20 awesome bloggers.

Making a difference May 8th thro May 18th

FUNDRAISING ON BEHALF OF GLOBAL MOMS

Sisters From Another Mister, proud Champion for shot@life and the UN Foundation

Each blogger has linked a post about Motherhood with Sisters From Another Mister to raise awareness for the importance of global vaccinations and called on her readers, fans, friends and family to pledge, to donate and to help make a difference. Consider writing a post, donating to link and sharing the link up between May 8th and May 18th. You can leave as many comments as you like on the main page with a min. $1 donation for each comment. Both linkers and commenters will be in the running for the giveaways that have generously been donated. Comments are closed on the individual pages, but links to the 20 bloggers, and the donation page will be found on the MAIN PAGE.

The rules are simple:

1. $10 dollar minimum to link your post

2. $1 for each comment, and you may come back and comment as many times as you like

3. Donations are tax deductible

4. The donation page is right here if you would like to read it now.

5. Giveaways will be for both linkers and commenters and chosen by a generated program

 

Link up and comment on the MAIN PAGE only!

Make your donations for links and comments right on the donation page – remember you are helping to save lives!

Donation page – Team ImmUNITY Nicole and Sisters From Another Mister for shot@life

Every twenty seconds a child dies of a preventable disease

Twenty dollars can save a life

Twenty bloggers are making a difference.

 

Showing Self Care was the solution to my issues


I had a very tough summer this year. The weather was very hot and humid, and I hate both humidity and hot weather 🙂. I am currently establishing my coaching business; I tried to work from home but I couldn’t as it was the summer vacation and with the kids at home I could never focus on anything. I had shared an office with other people and before actually starting with my clients they apologized and asked to cancel the contract because they had to leave the apartment to the owner.  I found another place but it had to be furnished and that meant more time and additional expenses. My best friend was on a trip all summer long and I felt so lonely. I didn’t go out with my friends or do anything to enjoy myself during almost three long months. I was working with my coach on my relationships. I was stuck and turning in circles. I couldn’t find any way out for my issues. I was desperate and unhappy.
I was really astonished about how stuck I was in my relationships and why I couldn’t find a way out. There was nothing new; they were the same issues I experienced every now and then. Why was my response this time so rough? Why couldn’t I cope with the situation as sometimes I was able to do? Why couldn’t I be accepting? Acceptance was all I needed I think. For almost three months I was struggling with many issues but I never realized that my main issue was with myself. Yes, it was all about me. I didn’t take care of myself. There was something very important missing in my life; that was SELF CARE. I felt lonely and missing my best friend, I avoided going out because of the hot weather and the bad traffic, I spent all my time just doing housework and all I need to do for my new business, I was committed to my younger son workouts, but I didn’t notice that I was not taking care of myself. For long weeks I didn’t do anything to enjoy myself except working out two or three times a week.
I realized from my work with my coach that lack of self care was the main cause of my unhappiness, but I always thought that it was anything else. I was extremely nervous, aggressive and angry most of the time. I believed that the weather, my sons’ behavior, traffic, my husband, the maid’s absence and many other reasons were the cause of feeling upset and angry. The only enjoyable thing I did during these three months is spending time with my sons, every now and then, listening to their jokes and laughing with them. It is true that I love spending time with my sons but I love and need to spend time with my friends and with myself. I needed to show more self care. I was always repeating to my friends that to be able to take care of others we need to learn to take care of ourselves first. It seems that I forgot my own advice 🙂.
Self care doesn’t need to be time and money consuming as we may think; it can be just spending quality time with a dear friend, listening to music, relaxing in nature or in our favorite place, watching a good movie or reading an inspiring book. It can be playing and laughing with our children. Self care means honoring ourselves and showing love for ourselves by having our needs met. It is showing respect to our own needs as we show respect to others needs. What is really important is to make it regular and a lifestyle; not just doing it when we have nothing else to do. 

It is so important to add our self care appointment to our calendar as we do with our other important appointments. We need to give our self care appointments a high priority as we give to our business appointments. The self care appointments we commit to today will help us to get the energy for our business appointments we have to commit to tomorrow. Have your own self care program. Build your own enjoyable activity list and go for one activity daily and as much as the activity is new and adventurous it will bring you more excitement, satisfaction and energy. Your life will not be the same anymore.
I would like that you share with me the activities you do to show self care and how often you do them weekly.

10 tips to help you replace negative thoughts with more positive ones

“The World is what we think it is. If we can change our thoughts, we can change the world.” ~H.M. Tomlinson

So to change your world, to make your life happier and to make the world a better place to live in you need to change your own thoughts. You may think it is hard to control your thoughts, I don’t say it is easy but it is not impossible. It is doable through practice, all you need is to keep practicing, to be persistent and patient and surely you will do it.

In my previous post (Our thoughts shape our life) I shared with you how my negative thoughts made me feel in a certain situation and how the positive ones totally changed my feelings in another situation while the difference in time between the two situations did not exceed 30 minutes. On this post I share with you some tips to help you replace your negative thoughts by more positive ones.
  1. Prayers and asking support and strength from Allah brings peace, and the feeling of being protected and supported. 
  2. Question the cost of your negative thoughts and attitude. Ask yourself what are the negative thoughts and attitude are costing you and how it is influencing your life? Physically, emotionally, and spiritually and compare it to the benefit you get when you have more positive thoughts and attitude.
  3. Repeat positive affirmations  daily  every morning  (affirmation is a written or oral statement that confirms something is true ). It is so helpful to bring more positive energy into your day. In tough situations when you feel un-confident or fearful start repeating affirmations about how confident  and   strong  you are. One of the affirmations I like to use is “Whatever happens I will handle it” it brings me a lot of confidence in my ability to handle any situation so I feel more peaceful and secure.
  4. Keep a journal of the situations where you kept a positive attitude, how did you feel? What thoughts did you have? How did it influence you and what outcomes did you get? to remind yourself of  that experience and what to learn from it to apply this learning in the future.
  5. Surround yourself with positive friends and people, they will help you keep a positive attitude.
  6. Stick inspiring quotes everywhere at home, at the office, in your car; or you may collect inspiring quotes in a small copy book and refer back to them daily and whenever you feel thinking negatively.
  7. Journal about your negative thoughts and feelings and write down several arguments to counter it. 
  8. Keep a gratitude journal and write  daily  5 things you are grateful for to remind yourself of all the blessings you have and to help you shift your focus from what is missing in your life to what you already have.
  9. Detach yourself from the surrounding environment and don’t allow negativity of others impact you. Remind yourself  that if others are anxious or nervous or fearful this has nothing to do with you, it’s their feelings and their thoughts not yours and you don’t have to feel or think the same. You have the power over your feelings and your thoughts.
  10. Live in the moment, forget about the past and don’t worry for the future. You have a moment to live and you have the choice to make it a happy or a painful one, which choice you will make?
What other tips did you use to shift from a negative attitude to a positive one? Please share them with us.

Our Thoughts Shape our Life

 I had a very strange feeling today when I was running on the treadmill; I felt so excited, enthusiastic and full of energy, while 30 min earlier I felt uncomfortable, frustrated and lacking energy. My feelings at the gym were totally different from my feelings at home, and I wondered why? The difference in time between these feelings didn’t exceed 30 min which is the time of the drive from my home to the club. I wondered how just going from one place to another could change my feelings from one extreme to the other. 
At home I felt weighed down and insignificant and I asked myself why I had this feeling. I realized that the house means housework, cooking, laundry and all the stuff that I don’t like, and I believe it’s useless to waste my time doing it every day. Recently I realized that my house is not the place where I love to stay to find peace and quiet any more. On the contrary, it’s the place where I have to run from one room to the other cleaning and arranging; then rush to the kitchen for the dishes and the cooking and finally doing the laundry. I used to have a maid daily when I had a full-time job but after quitting my job I reduced it to two or three times a week. Since then I had the feeling that I am replacing her at home and this thought, I think, is the reason behind the feeling that I am weighed down. In addition, I tried to work from home but no one could accept the idea. They interrupt me all the time and want me to take care of them and finish my work as well. Everyone thinks that the short time they are interrupting me to ask for something is not that long. I am not a fan of multitasking, I like to do only one thing at a time until I finish it then move to the next one and of course these interruptions were extremely distracting to me. I tried to set boundaries but it didn’t work.While at home, I was unable to achieve anything. With these two negative thoughts in mind; that I am replacing the maid and I will not achieve any progress in my business while working from home, I felt weighed down whenever I was home. 
Let me return to the feelings I had on the treadmill, excited, enthusiastic and energetic, why did I have these feelings? It’s the sense of achievement that I feel when I am at the gym as my fitness level improves day after day. So the thought that came to my mind is I am achieving success in the area of fitness and not many are able to do that. I like my role of achiever at the gym; it brings me more self-confidence and a feeling of success. Concerning my business, I decided to have a place to work from, so I rented a room in an office and turned it into my own office. There I could have some peace and quiet; so finally I could work without interruptions. Now I feel more relaxed with the thought that I am moving forward in different areas of my life and achieving progress and that is exactly what I needed. 
I started to examine my feelings and my thoughts more closely. With the negative thoughts “I am replacing the maid” and “I am not achieving any progress” I felt unhappy, insignificant and frustrated but with the thought that I am achieving progress and success I felt excited, enthusiastic and energetic. What I wanted to highlight is that having negative thoughts and beliefs in mind can totally ruin our lives. We can change the negative thoughts by more positive ones to have more positive feelings. I will share with you some tips about how to replace negative thoughts and feelings with more positive ones in my next post. 
Please share with me what you think about that. Do you think that we can change our feelings about a certain situation by changing our thoughts? Did you go through similar experience? If yes what did you learn?

What does self-love mean to you?

When we love someone we forget everything and anything; our main focus becomes the person we love. We become so caring and so tender. We think only of how to please them, how to make them happy, comfortable and satisfied. We may forget our own needs but we will never forget their needs. It’s easy for us to love our parents, our spouses, our kids, our friends, our neighbors or whomever we may know but we think it’s very difficult to love ourselves.
Self-love is one of the things that many of us may find extremely challenging. I remember when I heard the term self-love for the first time, it sounded weird to me. The word self-love is related to selfishness, it’s someone who loves themselves and don’t think about others. We are not taught how to love ourselves. So strange! When we don’t love someone we neglect, under value, disrespect, and are not willing to forgive them. So if you don’t love yourself you will neglect, under value, disrespect and not be willing to forgive yourself. This is typically what is happening to many of us. We are so harsh to ourselves, although we can forgive others for their mistakes, we don’t forgive ourselves for our mistakes. Although we can be kind to others we can’t be kind to ourselves. We can be patient with others but we can’t be patient with ourselves. We do our best to make others happy while we don’t even know what makes us happy. We extremely care about others needs while we don’t care about our own needs. It’s unfair. 
The above was a part of the post I was trying to write a few days ago about self-love but I couldn’t go further. Although I found the topic so interesting, I didn’t find anything else to say but yesterday I went through a negative experience that made me feel frustrated, down and started to blame myself. I felt so stressed out, but after giving it some thought, I asked myself why I was so harsh to myself, I have done nothing wrong, it is normal that sometimes things don’t go the way I wanted. Would I blame myself this way if I had enough self-love, self-acceptance and self-trust?  I think not. When we have enough self-love and self-acceptance, we are kinder and tenderer to ourselves. We acknowledge, appreciate, and value whatever we do even when the results are not as we expected. We believe we did our best; we acknowledge our effort and even reward ourselves. Since I believed that I have done my best, I decided to acknowledge myself for the work I have done so far, reward myself and take a day off. I intend to relax and meet some friends and enjoy my day with them. I invite you to do the same if you have worked hard for the past few days; just reward and acknowledge yourself for what you have done so far. 
“Love yourself, for if you don’t, how can you expect anybody else to love you?”
Absolutely true! I think it is logical. If we don’t know how to love ourselves how can others love us or how will we be able to love others? If we don’t know how to be happy, how will others be able to make us happy or how will we be able to make others happy? It’s not that hard to love and value yourself but if you don’t know how to do it; just become yourself your best friend and think how you would treat your best friend. You will immediately know how to treat yourself and how to love yourself.

Could we fear happiness?

This is one of my old posts of my blog My Happiness Journey. I hope you like it.

      

 I thought I learned everything about how to make myself happy, I learned it’s my choice, I learned that repeating positive affirmations to gain self confidence, self love and self respect  can really help to lead to positivity and happiness. I learned  that happiness is my own responsibility.  I learned that likes attract likes, so if I am happy I will attract happy people into my life.  In spite of that I didn’t take any action toward my happiness.

    Do I feel more comfortable this way? Am I more familiar with negative thoughts and unhappiness? Am I more familiar with complaining and I am not sure what else to do or say if I don’t find something to complain about?  Am I afraid to look different from others?  I don’t like to look different and hence to be noticed.
How will I communicate with them?  Am I afraid of their sarcasm and mockery? They may think I became mad. 
Why do we feel more comfortable or familiar with the negative approach we all tend to adopt in our life? We are all complaining, no matter what we have and what level of wealth are we living in, we just complain. Complaints are a common factor in all our conversations everywhere. 

    Am I afraid of looking better, more beautiful, shinning, energetic and enthusiastic?  Am I afraid of my response when I look better? Will I accept my current life as it is or will I rebel  against  it? Digging deep inside myself is really scaring me, I can’t predict what will be the results and what will be the effect of this process  on my current life? Do I fear looking for my own happiness? 
I think that sometimes we may fear or wrongly believe that the happiness of  our beloved ones may be harmed while we are looking for our own happiness.

Gratitude, the way to happiness


Another post from my blog My happiness journey



     Gratitude is to be content and thankful in every moment of your day.  It is to accept genuinely, thankfully, peacefully and with contentment whatever happens. A state of mind that could bring satisfaction and peace. When I try to visualize how my life will look like if I could live in gratitude, I see a life full of serenity, peace and bliss. It’ s heaven.

      I remember the first time my coach asked me to start a gratitude journal to help me shift my focus from what, I think, is missing in my life to what I already have and how helpful it was. I noticed again many graces I used to take for granted. The gratitude journal was one of the tools that helped me to improve my relationship with my mother. In my gratitude journal I mentioned that I am grateful for having my both parents alive and how supportive they  are to me. Then when I thought what I am thankful for them for, I realized that I am thankful for them for many things and my mother’s criticism and interference in my life were just a way to show her interest and care. Since then my relationship with my mother has totally changed and improved due to my gratitude perspective and journal. 

      Living with a gratitude feeling in all aspects of your life is not easy and needs practice to make it deep and  ingrained. Gratitude for things that you take for granted is helpful to notice the gifts  you keep receiving in every moment of your life. To realize the value of the things you take for granted just imagine your life without it. You never noticed that the pure fresh water is a grace because you find it whenever you need it, but imagine how your life would look like if you had to make great effort to have a glass of water. Imagine that all the things that you take for granted like water, air, sunlight, your senses, your home, your family, your health …etc are gone. How your life will  look like? Then think how will you feel when they come back one by one again. Sure you will eventually realize how valuable they are.

       To start living with a gratitude perspective you need to give up complaining. Complaining is a sign of lack of gratitude. So to strengthen your sense of gratitude you need to observe yourself and consciously make the right choice, either gratitude and gain the satisfaction and positive energy it brings or complaining and accept its negative energy in addition to the harm it brings to your health and your life.

Mommy guilt (1)

Guilt is “a feelingof worry or unhappiness that you have because you have done something wrong,such as causing harm to another person”Cambridge dictionariesonline
According to the meaningit’s a feeling you have because you have done something wrong, but Ithink that sometimes it can be just a doubt that what you did has harmedsomeone and you live with this feeling torturing you.
The feeling of guilt hasdeveloped inside of me ever since I was young because of the continuous blameof my parents with every mistake I made. My parents were very generous on reproachand criticism; I think that they believed that this was the best way to make uslearn to be careful not to make mistakes.  The focus they were giving tothe mistakes was extremely huge while the encouragement and acknowledgement hadno place in our lives. Until may be a few years ago, I defended myself all thetime. Even in my inner self-talk, I always focused on how I will defend myselfwhen my mother starts reproaching me. It was bitter feeling guilty and havingto defend myself all the time even when I didn’t harm anyone. I just gavemyself the right to do something different than what shewanted me to do. 
Becoming a mom developeda bigger feeling of guilt inside of me; a feeling that is depriving mostwomen and moms from enjoying their lives. I had a full time job when I gavebirth to my first son. During the first 2 years of his life, I used to spend 4hours daily to commute from home to work and back. We used to leave the housetogether at 6 AM and be back at 6 PM. I sent him to a nursery at the age of 3months and I left him from 8 AM to 4 PM since the first day. From the age ofthree months to the age of 5 years old he used to go to the nursery from 8 AMto 4 PM 5 days-a-week, and the feeling of guilt was poisoning my life. When he was4 years old, I had to travel frequently and leave him with my husband ormy mother. I had to be away for 4 to 5 days-a-week, 2 to 3 times-a-monthfor 10 months or almost a year and of course the feeling of guilt was killingme. I think he felt how the guilt was torturing me, so in turn he manipulatedme and punished me in every ways. When I think back about those days of mylife I can see how the negative feeling had left me drained, suffering andunhappy just because I thought that I am harming my son by leaving him at avery young age at the nursery. I can’t forget how hard I cried the first day Isent him to the nursery; I felt like I was abandoning him. For me, my feelingof guilt was mainly because I was leaving my son to others to take care of forlong hours, I didn’t have enough time to take care of him or spend quality timewith him. 
It took me many longyears to get rid of that feeling and to understand that feeling guilty is oneof the reasons why I felt drained and unhappy all the time. One time I talkedabout it to a counselor, and she told me that it was not a question of how muchtime you spend with your kids, but how you spend that time with them.Since then I started doing my best to make the time I spend with my kidsenjoyable for me and for them. I learned about quality time. I learned that theconcept of the mother being available for her kids 24/7 is not correct. Irealized that the meaning of a good mother and a good wife thatI inherited from my mother and my culture is not useful for me anymoreand is not doing me any good. I had to rethink and redefine it according to myvalues, my priorities, my ambitions and my own definition of happiness.
Does my story soundfamiliar? Does it sound like yours or someone you know? I am sure that thereare hundreds, thousands or may be millions of women who had similar experiencesor stories in their lives, especially when their kids were young. On my post ofnext week I will share with you more information about the feeling of guilt andhow to deal with it. If you have any questions, stories or tips to deal withthe feeling of guilt, please share them with me.

A letter to an amazing woman




Dear sister,

    I am writing thisletter to share my thoughts and my feelings with you; you are the only one whocan understand what I think and how I feel. I know you go through a lot ofstruggles and fights every day like me. I want to share with you a greatexperience that I went through one day.

I live a life like yours; working,taking care of my family, giving birth to my lovely children, raising them,feeding them, looking after them, doing my best to make them feel comfortableand happy, taking a lot of responsibilities at work and at home. I am trying mybest to prove to everybody that I am a successful working person, a good wife,a good mother and a good daughter. I have done all that I can to pleaseeverybody. At work, I worked extra hours to get my work done on time. I alwaysfound the energy and the time to take my kids to their workouts, or take themout for some fun, even when I was very exhausted. I had to go see my parentsand tolerate their blame while I needed someone to give me a tap on the back. Igave up opportunities to travel— something that I really love and enjoy—to meetnever-ending project deadlines. I felt unsatisfied, unfulfilled andunhappy. My days and my life were a long list of tasks for everybody elsewith nothing for me, for my happiness, and my self-care. Although I have donemy best to please everybody, they were rarely pleased with whatI did; on the contrary, they criticized me more and more.

One day I realized that I couldn’tgo further. I needed to find a solution. I felt totally unhappy andunsatisfied. I needed to make a huge change but I didn’t know where to start orhow to start. At that time I thought it was a time management issue so I lookedfor books about time management. I came by a book that made me realize afterreading it that my problem was not about time; it was mainly a mindset issue.It’s my way of thinking, my way of living, my way of allowing unimportantthings to consume my time, leaving me unsatisfied and unhappy at the end of theday. I wasn’t putting myself and my happiness as a priority. The book thatI mentioned before made a huge change in my life. I had gotten the book in 2000.The author of the book is one of the most famous personal coaches in the world, andever since I read it, I started searching for and learning about coaching.Now that I became a coach myself I decided to offer my coaching to WOMEN allover the world and especially on the HAPPINESS aspect of life. 

Dear sister, 

    The amazing woman Iwant to address my message to is YOU, every woman all over the world. Yes, youare amazing. No one can tolerate what you are tolerating for your family, yourchildren, your parents, and your friends. The support you are offering everyonepassing your way is fantastic. No one can bring happiness to your family as youcan. No one cares about your children and fights to protect them as you do. Noone is giving up and denying their happiness for the happiness of others as youare.  I admit you are amazing, caring, tender, loving, courageous,sacrificing and strong. I admit you are great, but there is something I want towhisper in your ear “You can’t make others really happy unless you are“.Your happiness doesn’t mean you give up happiness of others. Your self-caredoesn’t mean you give up caring for others. Your self-love doesn’t mean yougive up loving others. Showing self-care and self-love and looking for yourhappiness means you appreciate, value, and respect who you are. Be sure that asmuch as you appreciate yourself, your family will appreciate you and what youdo. As much as you value yourself, your family will value you. As much as yourespect yourself, your family and the entire world will respect you. So just beproud of who you are and show enough self-care and self-love. You will feelhappier, more confident and you will shine. 

“Youeducate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate ageneration.”  ~ Brigham Young ~

Can you imagine that by taking careof your happiness, you are teaching others how to be happy and this is exactlywhat you aim for, don’t you do your best to make others happy? In thisworld, there are millions of stories of amazing women with achievements thatvaried from fighting for their families and their children to make their livesbetter to leading their countries and their people to greatness. In history,you can find plenty of such stories. Don’t you like to be one of these rolemodels? I am offering you a small secret, just learn to make yourselfhappy and you will be a role model for everyone else. You will shine andilluminate others lives, you will energize and inspire others. You will teachmany others how to be happy; something that all the humanity has been lookingfor for centuries.

Starting this week, I invite you todedicate only one hour daily for yourself to do something you like. Don’t say Idon’t have one hour per day, you have 24 hours a day and one hour is not toomuch for your happiness and your wellness. Listen to music, walk in the openair, meet a friend, have your hair cut, read a book, go to the movie, or attenda seminar. Do anything that you like; just relax and enjoy every minute ofthese sixty minutes and write down how you felt after this hour. You can havethe seven hours of the week organized in different ways, half a day once perweek, three and half hours twice a week, two hours and half every second day orone hour daily. Manage them the way that suits you. The important thing is tocommit to it as an important appointment in your week. Plan ahead for it, anddon’t give it up for any reason. You will feel the impact thishour will have on your life.